Planning our own wedding was one of the most fun and most frustrating things my husband, Jesse, and I have done together. We acted as several vendors ourselves (wedding planner, stylist and florist), which was one reason why the whole process was stressful… but if you’re like Jesse and I and have a special vision in your head for your wedding day, it can be so fun to see it all through with mindful choices!

The most important thing for Jesse and I on our wedding day was that it was unapologetically us.

Every detail was thought out and implemented for a reason. We did so on a budget. While we spent a good chunk of change on our wedding, we were well below the average expense of $33,900 in 2019.

Our wedding goal was to invite our closest loved ones to a celebration that was entirely representative of us as the couple we’ve grown to be. Below is a list of things I’ve learned while planning our own meaningful wedding and working as a floral designer for others’ weddings — I hope it can provide some inspiration during your wedding planning process.

10 ways to make your wedding day special & memorable — Advice from an actual wedding florist professional

write a marriage mission statement together

Writing a “mission statement,” or simply honing in on a sentence or two describing your love and commitment for one another can provide immense clarity for your wedding planning process. You could even write a statement specifically for your wedding day to help curb all those crazy ideas in your Pinterest board. Saying things like, “We intend to focus on just the details that serve us” or “We want each of our guests to feel they were included in our celebration.”

Jesse and I chose a quote from our First Dance song that encompasses our entire relationship and how we want to live our life together. Rather than a traditional “Welcome to our wedding” sign, the sign had our quote on it instead. Jesse also surprised me with a glowing neon sign of our quote that we hung in the background of our Photo Booth area on our wedding day. It now hangs in our family room in our home, a constant reminder of our intentions we have together.

your ceremony should be intentional and meaningful

First, the person who marries you is providing an incredibly special service. This is also the only other person who is reciting your marriage vows out loud for you and all of your loved ones to hear. This person is also in all of your photos and your wedding video. Choose a special person! My Uncle, a few months after we got engaged, told us he wanted to become an Officiant so he could marry us. He asked Jesse and I to write letters to each other, which he then read, to help him craft up a beautiful ceremony for us. Having a special person marry us was a decision we’ll always be proud of.

Second, consider writing your own vows together. Jesse and I had a wonderful time writing our own vows, which we did together rather than on our own. We wrote vows on our own, then one night read them to each other over a bottle of wine. We picked some of mine and some of his, and created our marriage vows — essentially, our guidebook for our life together. We both recited the vows during our ceremony.

Other memorable moments from wedding ceremonies I’ve been to: Champagne toast during the ceremony, Warming of the Rings, Officiant tells the detailed story of the couple’s meeting and their life together.

pick a venue (or a place) that represents both of you

We got married at Kin Loch Farmstead, which is where I grow my flower farm. We were witness to the raw ground before the barn even went up! It’s an incredibly meaningful place to us.

To discover meaningful “venues,” write down a list of all the places that are special to you as a couple - restaurants, bars, public places, parks, cities you’ve visited, etc. Are there any common themes between these places? Is there an aspect of your relationship you can hone in on to help inform a venue? For instance, if you’re both outdoorsy people, could you get married in a state park, a campground, a hunting lodge with property, or an Airbnb with a large backyard where you could have an intimate, family-style outdoor gathering?

invite your inner circle

The guest list is, unquestionably, one of the hardest parts of planning a wedding. There are people we regret not inviting (and, believe it or not, there are people we actually regret inviting). What came down to it for us was: immediate family, close extended family (cousins, aunts, uncles), and friends with whom we’ve spent special life moments with. At our pre-Covid wedding, we had 140 out of 165 invited people show up. It wasn’t a small wedding, but Jesse and I have both lived in different cities, made lots of meaningful connections along the way, and being surrounded by the people we loved most was really important to us.

The way your guest list can really get derailed is when you’re pressured to invite every distant family member, or if your parents want to invite their friends. We did not allow parents to invite all of their friends or other people whom we consider acquaintances. This is simply because those people hadn’t contributed to our love story.

serve your favorite foods & drinks

The traditional “expected” wedding fare includes a choice of filet mignon, chicken piccata, and a vegetarian pasta dish, right? Most people order the filet mignon. Not only did Jesse and I unapologetically refuse to spend $100/head on food, we also didn’t want to serve platefuls of factory-farmed animals for our wedding dinner. Unsustainable meat in large quantities just doesn’t reflect our story. But you know what does? Tacos.

We love tacos. We have taco night at least twice a month and admittedly, Mexican food is both of our favorite cuisine. So instead of the plated three-course steak dinner, we ordered a taco food truck.

For dessert, we couldn’t choose what to serve, so we opted with a spread of donuts, Italian cookies, and we asked Jesse’s aunt to create single portions of her delicious rice pudding that is loved by many on his side of the family.

For bar service, we opted out of a traditional setup. Our drinks included a simple beer selection from Michigan, Chicago and Buffalo (the three cities we’re either from or have lived in together), bottles of red & white wine on every table during dinner, and Beergaritas (because who doesn’t love a good Beergarita). We also set up a Mix-Your-Own Basil Mojito Bar with five different types of basils I grew on the flower farm.

play your favorite music

Music will make or break the vibe of your wedding. Jesse and I are both really into music and it was important for us to find a DJ who was flexible in taking requests. Some DJs will only take 5-10 song requests and then play the typical “wedding hits” around that, which we knew wouldn’t work for us.

For our ceremony, we hired a violinist/guitarist duo that played fun bluegrass-type instrumental music while our guests arrived at the reception. We also had them play very specific songs when we walked down and back up the aisle (‘Harvest Moon’ by Neil Young and ‘Take Me Home Country Roads’ by John Denver). During cocktail hour, we specially curated a playlist of songs that we asked our DJ to play. The list included our favorite songs by Father John Misty, M83, Radiohead, Bob Marley, Bayonne, and many, many other artists. There is nothing quite so special as being surrounded by all your favorite people while your favorite songs play overhead!

do something silly & fun

My husband and I both enjoy playing silly pranks on each other here and there, and our wedding was no exception. While I was busy printing out photos of Jesse fast asleep to hang above the coffee bar, he was busy buying blow-up guitars and Motley Cru style wigs for a mid-reception performance of ‘Panama.’ The sleeping photos were a play on the fact that Jesse falls asleep everywhere, and the ‘Panama’ performance was in tribute to our old roommate singing ‘Franimal’ to the tune of the song. Most people were confused, but it was a moment no one who was there will ever forget.

give your guests options to entertain themselves

Not everyone likes to get crazy and dance. The plus side of having an outdoor venue such as a barn or backyard is the opportunity for cornhole, racquetball, beer pong, and a fire pit! Our family also brought Chippo, which is a golfing version of cornhole and was a big hit at our wedding.

choose earth-friendly, sustainable options

Owning responsibility over the waste your wedding celebration creates is not only admirable, but I would argue, it’s necessary. You have the option to choose vendors who care about their environmental impact. Do the research by asking questions and checking their website for any statements they make about sustainability, carbon footprints, or environmental responsibility.

I would say the biggest impact you can have is choosing a Venue, a Florist, and a Caterer that cares about their environmental footprint. A new venue could be powered by alternative energy, have a commitment to eliminate plastic waste, or provide local wildlife habitats. Your florist should commit to reduce or omit the use of floral foam and use locally-grown flowers. Your caterer should commit to also reducing plastic waste and their food ingredients should be locally-sourced, including grass-fed, humanely-raised animals.

You can even note this on your wedding menu, if you have one, so your guests know you took the time to feed them healthy, locally-grown food. It could even make them consider how they source their own food going forward!

if you have too many friends, skip the wedding party

Me & my Maid of Honor, Rori — photo by Reilley Photography

Okay, having a lot of friends is a blessing, but when it comes to choosing your friends for a wedding party, it can get really hairy. Our option was to either have one person on each side, or 8-10 people on each side, so we opted for one Maid of Honor and one Best Man.

As a wedding florist, I see many bridal parties with 8-10 bridesmaids and groomsmen, but if wrangling large groups of people with big personalities isn’t your thing, you don’t have to do it. Also keep in mind that each set of bridesmaid/groomsman will cost you at least $200 extra in flowers and thank-you gifts (Thanks but no thanks!)

if you’re taking on a lot of DIY wedding projects, consider hiring a day-of wedding coordinator

The only regret I have about our wedding day was that I should have hired a day-of wedding coordinator. Despite having a whole amazing, wonderful, talented group of friends and family that helped set up the entire day, including the floral displays, I could have taken some pressure off of them if I had hired a person to be “in charge.” Do not underestimate the help a good wedding planner can give!

the best piece of advice: do you.

Forget what other people want. This is about you and your partner. Lots of people are going to have opinions. Say thank you, shake it off, and do what you want. You won’t regret it!